Interpreting the 5 stages of grief through fashion
梅丽莎·沃特金斯在41岁时被诊断出患有乳腺癌，她做的第一件事就是否认现实.
“他们可能随时会给我回电话，说那些不是我的结果,她对自己说.
当这一切都没有发生时，她陷入了绝望，想知道:“我会死吗?”
As Watkins underwent chemotherapy, surgery and radiation treatment at UCLA Health, she found herself vacillating through the five stages of grief — denial, 愤怒, 讨价还价的, depression and acceptance.
She completed treatment by the time her 42nd birthday came around in November 2022, 她决定继续她的传统，用时尚照片来庆祝.
A passionate fashionista who collects unique pieces by local designers, 沃特金斯喜欢让专业摄影师拍下她一年中最喜欢的服装，作为送给自己的生日礼物. She shares the photos with friends or, occasionally, on a dating app.
But this photo shoot would be different. It would awaken a whole new part of herself, even if she didn’t know it yet.
Exploring grief through fashion
The shoot almost didn’t happen at all, 因为当她咨询的摄影师建议她考虑以某种方式纪念她的健康之旅时, 沃特金斯嘲笑. She had already decided the shoot would have nothing to do with cancer. She wanted it to have a pretty, princess vibe.
“I actually said I want to forget it all happened,” Watkins recalls. “我们把它擦掉吧. I want frills and ruffles.”
She finished the meeting, dejected. 然后她突然想到:她会用时尚来诠释悲伤的五个阶段.
“不骗你，我在大约10分钟内就想出了整个拍摄的主意, pulled out all the clothes and threw them in a bag,沃特金斯说.
Once she had the concept, inspiration 太k over. 她拿起自己化疗时掉下来的脏辫做的假发. 她拿出了她最喜欢的夜总会夜装:一件时髦的棕色紧身衫和一件可以当兜帽戴的高领毛衣. 这就是否认.
She picked up the prickly bodysuit her twin sister had given her — a sheer, black number covered with silver spikes. 这是一种讨价还价——一种与生活的尖锐谈判，一种透明地恳求一个好的结果.
There was a gray trench coat (depression), a leather sarong with a red sash (愤怒) and a beaded, 看起来像皇家女神穿的金色束腰外衣(接受). Each outfit had corresponding jewelry, makeup and energy.
沃特金斯说:“把这些东西拼凑在一起所带来的礼物——我并不后悔。. “在拍摄当天，我走进来说，‘我们要拍悲伤的五个阶段. 这是我的衣服.’”
When the photographer showed her the proofs, Watkins knew this was more than just a personal photo shoot. 这是她想与任何曾经或将要经历悲伤的人分享的东西, 当然, 每一个人.
举办艺术展览
这激发了她做一些她以前从未做过的事情:组织一个画廊展览. 它将展示悲伤的五个阶段的照片和时尚，她称之为“接受之美”.”
A professional fundraiser for Loyola Marymount University, Watkins has years of experience creating community connections. But she’d never held an event centered on her own artistic work.
她在离她家不远的长滩(Long Beach)找到了一家画廊，并预订了空间. She printed up flyers and handed them out to str愤怒s. She invited her friends and family and health care providers from UCLA.
2023年3月, 沃特金斯公开与数百人分享了她对时尚的热爱和她癌症之旅的脆弱性.
沃特金斯说:“如果我必须在生活中选择一件我做过的最好的事情，那就是这个。. “There’s so much beauty that comes from extreme pain. 它在某种程度上改变了我，强化了我的想法，你可能经历的事情真的可以, really hard or difficult or painful, but the other side of it can just be so much beauty and creativity and joy.
“The day I showed that exhibit was one of the happiest days of my life.”
Even though the day before the showing, she’d received terrible news.
持续的旅程
在展览开幕前不久，沃特金斯见过皇冠hga025大学洛杉矶分校健康中心的放射肿瘤学家 苏珊·麦克罗斯基，医学博士 for a three-month check-up — a PET scan to see if the cancer was gone. 第二天，医生. 麦克洛斯基打电话给她，告诉她一个紧急消息:沃特金斯需要再做一次扫描，以便更仔细地观察她的大脑.
The follow-up scan revealed a tumor.
“在展览的前一天，我发现自己得了脑瘤，”沃特金斯说. “The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Because if I had found out earlier, I would have canceled the exhibit. But this was the day before. So it was perfectly timed, because here was this outpouring of love from everybody” at the art opening.
Video from the event shows Watkins being a warm and welcoming host, despite the new diagnosis, which she kept to herself.
Dr. 麦克洛斯基说，她经常看到她的病人有很强的适应力，但沃特金斯非同寻常. It’s not just her positive spirit, Dr. 麦克洛斯基说. It’s how Watkins uses her resilience to lend strength to others.
“人们面对这段旅程，当他们看到自己的能力时，就会变得更强大. Melissa has found a way to not only do that, but to let her own self-empowerment empower other women,” Dr. 麦克洛斯基说. “My whole staff says she’s a beaming, shining light.”
而且是时髦的, 太, 正如沃特金斯无论走到哪里都会表现出她独特的服装天赋——鲜艳的色彩, exquisite tailoring and one-of-a-kind accessories, such as a ring that looks like an eagle’s talon.
不断的发现
Watkins had surgery to remove the brain tumor in March of 2023, which doctors discovered was fueled by the breast cancer. Subsequent scans have found other brain tumors. Watkins continues to receive chemotherapy.
She also continues to create art and share what she’s made. 《皇冠hga020电脑版》将于明年1月向南皇冠hga025大学医学院的学生展示，以揭示“疾病的人性一面”,沃特金斯说. She’s seeking other venues to show the exhibit, as well.
当她的生日在2023年11月再次到来时，她又拍了一张照片.
“I’m adding pieces to commemorate the brain tumors,” 她说. She chose the outfits months ago.
Watkins says her experience with cancer has made her “a new person.”
“Every week I’m doing something new with this art, 它给了我一个出口，让我在我还在挣扎的时候找到快乐. 但我认为这是一种逃避的方式，也是一种找到根基和平静的方式，”她说. “癌症就像是在拯救我的生命的同时又威胁要杀死我.”
激励别人
Shiori Lange, LCSW, a clinical social worker with the Simms/Mann-UCLA Center for 综合肿瘤学, met Watkins in September 2023. 在他们定期的新病人接收会议上，沃特金斯提到了她的艺术项目.
“I was speechless when I first saw it,” Lange says. “It really hit my heart — how strong she is as a person; her strength, her wisdom and the courage it 太k to put this all together; her vulnerability; letting people know what she went through, that really requires determination and courage.”
Watkins’ artwork can inspire and comfort others, Lange说，不仅仅是提醒他们在癌症诊断后经历悲伤是正常的, but that it’s possible to express that grief in creative and beautiful ways.
“I don’t think I’ve ever met somebody like her before,” Lange says. “她是例外.”
对于沃特金斯, 将她的癌症经历转化为艺术素材，对她个人意义的创造非常重要, 她说. And she hopes it inspires others to appreciate their own emotional journeys, no matter what they are going through.
沃特金斯说:“有些人会说，‘不要悲伤’，但悲伤是可以的。. “利用你可以表达自己的方式，为你的感受找到一个出口. 如果你在痛苦的经历中获得快乐，永远不要感到内疚, because I know sometimes those feelings come up, 太.
“我认为这是关于向你的感受倾斜，接受它的本来面目. 所以你在否认? 好吧，我拒绝承认. And I love that about me, because that’s where I am right now. And as you go along, just accept the stages and feelings for what they are.”
